For an easy zero star picture, Seed of Chucky isn’t that bad. Okay, I’m lying—it definitely is that bad, but it’s more enjoyable than the other bottom-feeding schlock of 2004, like Dodgeball, Walking Tall, and the abominable White Chicks. While calling it a strict satire would be pushing it (how much can you really spoof a series that’s already predominantly ludicrous anyway?), Seed of Chucky does possess a self-awareness that saves it from the deepest bowels of movie hell. It’s not really a horror picture—deaths are presented in stylized Kill Bill fashion, with heads flying twenty feet in the air & blood spurting in 73 directions at once—but a pathetic attempt at a comedic take on an unsuccessful horror franchise, similar to 1998’s Bride of Chucky (unseen by me, though I have seen the other entries, albeit long ago). Sure, it fails miserably—all the laughs are most certainly at it, not with it—but what could be more entertaining than seeing Chucky beat off to the zombie magazine ‘Fangoria,’, then artificially inseminate Jennifer Tilly with a turkey baster? Actually, I suppose a number of things…

Don Mancini, who penned the first four Child’s Play installments, steps behind the camera for the first time here, and his directorial talents appear weak at best. I use such a generous word because, really, how much could anyone do with such an absurd premise? Ah yes, the premise…Chucky from the original Child’s Play films is back, as is his wife Tiffany from Bride of Chucky. They’re revived from the pits of puppetdom by their son // daughter Glen // Glenda (a not-so-subtle ‘ode’ to Ed Wood’s 1954 Glen and Glenda), who brilliantly identifies them on television from the matching ‘Made in Japan’ inscriptions on their wrists. With the family joyously united, Chucky & Tiffany turn their attention to finding human homes for their souls. Tiffany fixates on the voluptuous Jennifer Tilly (whose busty chest and choice outfits almost make Seed of Chucky worth the price of a matinee—I thankfully saw it for free), while Chucky settles on the rapper // “actor” Redman, who’s busy slaving away on his new project: a film on the Virgin Mary. Typical campy horror nonsense ensues.

Some reviews have criticized Seed of Chucky for having no storyline, but I found its plot to be no less lame as any of the previous entries. It’s the same shit—Chucky desperately seeks to get out of his wooden exterior and into some nice, warm flesh (though yes, there is the ‘twist’ at the end of this one). Anyway, it seems nitpicky to damn Seed of Chucky for its narrative structure of all things, when so much else is more fun to ridicule! How about the silly attempt to incorporate familial values into a Child’s Play movie? Or the ‘clever’ wink to the “Here’s Johnnnny!” scene in The Shining (an homage that’s been beaten to death since 1980)? Mancini would have had a better chance of actual success if he’d aimed more for the Ed Wood format—a 100% intentional joke of a movie might have generated some genuinely amusing results (yes, Wood actually was trying for serious movies, but…well, that’s a story for another day). Instead, though the countless nonsensical moments do provide a tiny modicum of laughter, Seed of Chucky really has no raison d’etre for its existence. You can experience the same campy hilarity at any John Waters film (incidentally, Waters makes a brief appearance as a smarmy paparazzi), or any 80’s horror flick—so, why was Seed of Chucky made? Well, when the tired-and-true formula keeps bringing in $$$, why stop, right? We’ve seen it with Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and Halloween, so it was only a matter of time before Chucky returned to the big screen. Thank heavens for that—hopefully, Seed of Chucky follows the recent box office disasters of Jason X and Halloween: Resurrection, so we can finally put the fucking franchise to bed.

22/100