Oof. Talk about completely striking out: Francis Ford Coppola’s cheesy, overblown adaptation of S.E. Hinton’s wonderful novel captures none of the book’s gritty magic. One could certainly make the claim that the cast of young heartthrobs—Rob Lowe, Matt Dillon, Emilio Estevez, Patrick Swayze, Tom Cruise, et al—look the part of Greasers and Socs, the nicknames for the groups around town that fight, kick, claw and knife for neighborhood supremacy. But Hinton’s book is wrenchingly authentic, full of genuine humanity and conflicting emotions as Ponyboy Curtis (C. Thomas Howell, ironically one of the few actors who didn’t springboard to at least a modicum of success) endures the painful ups and downs of being raised by his two brothers as an orphan, tough love, loyal friendships, and heartbreaks of all different shapes and sizes. First and foremost, “The Outsiders” is about family. There’s none of that present in Coppola’s adaptation. Oh, occasional scenes hint at Coppola really understanding what Hinton’s about, but too much of the movie centers around war whoops, tough talk, and hammy dialogue. The acting is universally atrocious, especially Swayze as Ponyboy’s complicated big brother Darrel: only Ralph Macchio of Karate Kid fame turns in a halfway decent performance as the star-crossed Johnny. It’s a shame to say, but The Outsiders was made in the wrong decade—the typical 80′s style badly cheapened the source material, and poor execution across the board turned a crappy situation worse.

30/100

I consider Bryan Singer’s X2 to be the finest comic book film this side of The Dark Knight (which stands as a man amongst boys in the genre), so I, perhaps unfairly, judge every subsequent entry against it. This one got a high number of positive reviews, so I was pretty excited to see if it stopped a disappointing trend of most comic adaptations of late outright sucking. Alas…though “suck” would be too harsh of a word for X-Men: First Class, it struggles to reach the “barely mediocre” threshold. Its attributes and weaknesses can be broken down into two categories: the relationship between Professor Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) and Magneto (Michael Fassbender), and everything else. The dynamic between the leaders of the X-Men’s primary factions is excellent, with explanations aplenty for non-followers of the comics themselves, terse and believable decision-making, and strong acting—I was skeptical of the choice of McAvoy, but he delivers, and Fassbender rarely misfires (and nails it here). Kevin Bacon hams it up, but I can dig it given the role…but the rest of the film is mostly tired clichés and typical summer blockbuster fare. The sequences involving Mystique could serve as advertisements for tired pump-you-up speeches, and Beast’s transformation is also a snooze. The Nazi backdrop, which has become quite prevalent in movies of this ilk, sort of works in theory, but never really pops with any creativity. And the prejudice subtext, the fear of those who aren’t “like us”, feels worn out at this point: hell, I’ve had enough of it watching politicians try to paint our current President as somehow foreign. As summer entertainment goes, you could do worse, but you could also do much better.

46/100

My goodness, did 2010′s (excellent) The Town lift large chunks from this one: character dynamics, masks, even a “count to 100″ walk. We’ll forgive Ben Affleck, though, because his fierce love of Boston is hardly a secret, and his take on the story is more homage than shoplifting anyway…and boasts plenty to admire in its own right. But back to The Friends of Eddie Coyle itself—Peter Yates’ crime drama is chock-full of wonderful moments, creative framing (especially an intrusion in a bank teller’s home early on in the proceedings), and emotional punch. An aging-but-always-recognizable Robert Mitchum plays Eddie, a convicted small-time felon who couldn’t keep his nose clean and faces a long prison sentence for repeat offenses. Faced with losing his family just as he was settling into a happy life at home, he decides to snitch on some of Boston’s most well-known thugs in the hope that Detective Foley (Richard Jordan) will make some calls and get him off the hook. But who to trust, who to trust: life’s age-old question rears its ugly head at every turn. The Friends of Eddie Coyle is endlessly entertaining, with exciting stick-ups and a mesmerizing gun sale in the woods, yet its not just popcorn fun—Yates (Breaking Away) infuses the film with some serious soul. It’s impossible to not feel for Eddie (thanks in large part to Mitchum’s understated, spot-on performance), who comes across as a mostly harmless man who got caught up in the wrong game, and could never quite figure out how to unravel himself. That doesn’t excuse his actions, of course, but he’s a sympathetic protagonist. The entire cast turns in virtuoso performances, with Steven Keats as the loudmouthed, firebrand arms dealer Jackie Brown sprinting away from the pack with a tour-de-force. For fast-paced fun with heart and Boston soul, it’s tough to find fault with The Friends of Eddie Coyle: I can definitely see revisiting this one over the years.

78/100

An extremely dark, brisk chapter in the Dark Knight’s ever-popular screen sagas, Batman: Under the Red Hood is 75 minutes of animated mutterings, pain, action, and bloodshed, along with an unquenchable thirst for revenge. As usual, the story is set in a crime-riddled Gotham City, but while the Joker plays an important role here, his presence lingers over the entire proceedings rather than dominating onscreen. In fact, traditional Batman villains take a backseat to the mysterious “Red Hood,” a supremely talented criminal who’s seemingly taken over the city’s underworld. Something familiar about his skill set gnaws at Batman throughout their chases and chance encounters. While there’s nothing dazzling about the film, it’s surprisingly touching at times, and really eschews any sort of cheap fluff—there’s nary a dull moment, even though the secrets are pretty simple to decipher. Big names like Bruce Greenwood and Neil Patrick Harris (NPH!) lend their heft to the voice acting, and the workmanlike animation gets the job done, painting a gloomy picture of thug-infested nights and dangerous foes while giving viewers a glimpse at another potential side of Batman, though in the end, his core values remain what they’ve always been throughout history. Batman: Under the Red Hood was a straight-to-video release, usually the kiss of death, but I advise admirers of the caped crusader not to be duped: this one’s well worth your time.

68/100